Portland is buzzing with the sound of monkeys being liberated from an OHSU facility. The crafty primates found freedom to their liking and heightened the public hysteria over these long-tailed leapers. As the test subjects caroused the hoods in Beaverton, citizens have been alerted to their dangerous nature as they could bite an unsuspecting passer-by, or perhaps throw a fecal delicacy at their primate-like human counterpart. The news, bless their investigative and protective hearts, is alive with fulfilling their obligation to the public. Asking such difficult questions as - "What should you do in case of a fecal splattering?" - "Where could the monkeys possibly be found?" - "What were the monkeys last seen wearing?" - or my favorite, "Could we truly see 5 monkeys jumping on the bed?"
The White Stag, er, Made in Oregon, er Randy Leonard/City of Portland Tax Initiative sign in PDX is the subject of considerable debate. In one corner stands the city itself, looking to stake claim to this marketing real estate for the good of the public of course. U of O stands in yellow & green trunks in the opposite corner, wishing to perpetuate their brand (see NIKE) further among the commoners. The news loves it. Hell, the monkeys can play on it, too! Why not put that rock from China up there next to it. Do you know how many people increased their civic pride when Ms. Katz unloaded that slab o' geologic wonder in downtown? I am sure the sign will have the same effect. In spirit, I have a few sign campaigns to start:
Portland - City of Potholes and one big Rock
or
Portland - Unsustainable Public Retirement!
or
Portland - It's for your own good.
or
Come for the Mayor, stay for the monkeys!
Can you tell I am under the weather?
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